Old post that i never had the strength to publish.

(This was wrote last Christmas, i never had the guts to post it it but i think i am ready for everyone to read it)

This time of year has always been hard on me. Three years ago some say i gave the ultimate gift, that anyone could give. This is the story....

On November 2, 2004-Layne and Rachelle Sondrup had a son named Ashton, He was a cute little boy who was always so very happy, as months went on they noticed that he would hardly move his neck and asked the doctor about it the next time they went in for a check up. The doctor really didn't seem like there was anything wrong just that he was young and was still developing his muscles. 5 months old Ashton died of a very rare disease called Spinal muscular atrophy. It was a heart break for the Sondrups as they mourned over the lose of there only son. Rachelle and Layne both got checked and the doctors told them that all the kids they would have would most likely have this sickness. So in other words telling them that they will not be able to have anymore kids. This was also a heartbreak for these two lovely people as they have always wanted a huge family.



I found out i was pregnant when i was pretty far along, i was only 18 and i was scared, alone, and knew i couldn't raise my son and give him everything i wanted him to have. I knew i wasn't enough for him and i wanted him to have a father in his life who he could look up too and strive to be like. Now for thous of you who don't really know me i am not very spiritual in anyway, but for some reason i felt the spirit in saying who i needed to have this baby for, who was supposed to look after him. Because i wasn't the best for him at that time.



Delivery day-
Friday (Nov-30) The day of delivery came, right when i knew that my water broke at 9 in the morning, i was a week over my due date and was dreading this day with all my life. Well he finally came the next morning Sat (Dec 1, 2007) at 2:48 am, it was so hard, The adoptive parents had been there all day along with my family keeping me company. As the doctor covered me up and let the adoptive dad come in and cut the umbilical cord, i cried, everyone cried. There was so much hope and joy and love in there eyes. But so much sadness in mine. i knew that this gift i was giving them meant the world to them, but it also did for me and i was struggling knowing that he will be going home with them soon.
A few days later it came down to the closing hours of us all being together, and i couldn't even grasp the thought in my mind that i wasn't supposed to take Jamyn home. This was there baby this was there son now. As much as it hurt so bad i knew that he had a family and they will always be there for him. I loved them all so much and was so hurt that i didn't have my son, but i knew it was the right thing for him.
Well after my 2007 year of Christmas, i try and see Christmas for what it truly is. A season of giving to thous who are in need, to help the people who don't have anything, and to show true joy and service by helping others and finding happiness in all that. The true meaning of Christmas. What it should and always be.