Most of you who know me, know i placed my son for adoption on Dec 1, 2007 almost 3 years ago. To this day i still live with the overwhelmed pain and questioning in my heart, i loved that little boy more than words could describe. He was everything to me. In my recent months as his 3rd birthday draws near i have been thinking a lot about him and just adoption. I could have chosen to keep him yes, but my reason for not weighed my mind and heart down, i knew what i had to do. I knew that i was young and was going to be a single mother, i knew that i wasn't in a good place in my life, not only emotionally but mentally. I knew that he wouldn't have a father. I wasn't the best choice for him period. As much as it pains me to say that the parents i chose for him can raise my son better than i could of back then hurts, but.. its the truth. I wanted Jamyn to have a father, i wanted him to grow up where he can look to both parents, i knew he needed that. I knew he needed parents who he can look up too and be proud of, and what to be them someday. I loved him, and because i did i chose life for him, and not me.. i chose that i would rather suffer then him any day. This was the hardest decision of my life, and i have to live with it everyday. But that's OK, just as long as he knows how much i love and care for him. How much i did want to keep him and just hold him. See his first steps, or hear his first word. I chose the better life for him, the life without me in it.
This is a hard topic for me, but as we are on this i have strong opinions about adoption and the mothers that do it for the right, and the wrong reasons. If you are a women who sleeps around and doesn't give a damn about weather or not you get pregnant because you can take the "easy way out" which most of the world thinks adoption is. Go to hell! (yes excuse my language) You are the women that make this world see that because its the attitudes that you don't care, and you have no heart. And all you need is the affection of a man to feel good about yourself so you sleep with him. For us who just messed up once and actually live with the pain of knowing we aren't good enough for our babes, need the world not to think of us as women who took the "easy way out" but as the strong, selfless women that we have shown to be. Think about someone other than yourself for once, and think about the life you made inside of you and actually take responsibility! Please for once just care about someone other than yourself....
8 comments:
I have so much respect for mothers like you who think of their children before themselves. I have always been a huge supporter of adoption. It really is about loving your children enough to give them the life that you couldn't provide for them. I think all birth mothers have at least some love for their babies, even the ones who sleep around and don't worry about getting pregnant. They at least love their babies enough to give them life instead of aborting them.
The subject of adoption is really close to me because my husband was adopted. He was two years old, and he was adopted with his three older siblings. His mom was addicted to drugs and often neglected her kids, but I know she did love them. Sometimes I read the letter she wrote to him before she gave him up,it makes me cry. It broke her heart that she had to give up her kids but she knew that she couldn't provide a good home for them. She wanted them to be in a family where they could learn how families are supposed to function and where they could learn to be good members of society. I am so grateful she made that difficult decision, who knows where my husband would be if she didn't. He would probably have low morals, he might addicted to drugs, he could even be dead. I know you're nothing like my husband's birth mom, but your son is still having greater opportunities being adopted.
Cali, I love you more than you will ever know. I can't even imagine what you went through, even when you knew it was the right choice, it was definately the most difficult one. I am so proud of you and the woman that you are. You blessed not only Jamyn's life, but his parents as well. I know many people that would make wonderful parents, but are not blessed with the oppertunity to have children. If it was not for selfless, and loving women like you, they wouldn't get to be the moms and dads that they yearn to be. Thank you for being strong, and don't ever forget that our Heavenly Father loves you and is so proud of you. I look up to you in so many ways (not just in height lol) I love you, and I am blessed to have you as a friend. Thank you for sharing your story. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask.
Love, Hussy
But you are still in his life. Let him grow with his new family. The bond will always be there for you and him, but you need not confuse him. One day he may chose to make you part of his life, but till then let his family and him enjoy their life's together. You will be a good mother, just like your sisters but only when you are ready to embark on all the responsibilities that it takes to be a parent. You will do well when you are ready. Good luck.
Dear anonymous that didn't share who you are! You don't know Cali, nor her story... please don't tell her to stay out of her son's life! She gets surprise visits and sees him and his adoptive parents at random places... they aren't organized. How ever I do know someone that is a Birth mother, and her adoption is so open that when the adoptive family comes to Utah they make the time to see my friend as much as possible. Her Birth daughter won't be confused! Because she is told everyday that she is adopted and her Birth parents are amazing people that forgot themselves to give her Life! Adoption isn't about giving up! It's about Giving the child life, a a family, something that Cali and other birthmothers weren't able to give to their children. Cali placed her son to loving arms and to people she trusts to raise him with Love and the Knowledge that he is adopted! I can't relate to my Birth mother friends! And I've seen them both go through pain that I will never know! Please learn more respect toward Birth mothers! I encourage you to go to this blog site of my other Birth mother friend read her story! And I hope your heart will soften! www.stefaniejinelle.blogspot.com
Cali, i'm so sorry you had to go through this. Thanks for sharing your story. I'll never know what it's like to be that strong, and i think you're so great.
Wow... I can't believe some people such as ANONYMOUS... Really...if you dont know about someones situation then SHUT YOUR MOUTH..... Cali is one Amazing STRONG SELFLESS woman.... She has every right to see or visit her son... That is not any of your business what she does... If you have nothing encouraging to say then DON'T SAY IT AT ALL!... CALI LOVE YOU GIRL!!!!
Sissy, You know what is right, and I know what is right. I know from all my work, but I also know from the spirit. Don't personalize what others say, just continue to follow the spirit and do your best. He will never direct you for wrong. And always know, I LOVE YOU
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